Oh, Twitter.
I have a Twitter account and even I'll admit that it's completely pointless and a waste of time...
But I read the posts, or "tweets" anyway, because either they're funny, informative, or just plain stupid. Seriously. A lot of the things people post are surely facepalm-worthy. I swear, the dude who made this only did so for pure entertainment.
"Let's see how many idiots will use this and think that everyone actually cares and will read all their tweets."
And there you have it.
I'm going to list the stupid things that annoy (yet entertain) me on the Twitter-sphere.
1. Guys who complain about girls.
Men, if you're gettin' girls left and right, you probably don't use Twitter too often, considering you have more than a shred of a social life. Those who don't use it a lot more often. I do use it pretty often, but some of these posts by the helpless single men out there are saddening. I'm single and I don't even complain this much.
"I wish I had someone to cuddle with :("
ladies, you can translate that to:
"Man, I wish I had a girlfriend whom I can lie in bed with for about three minutes before I start making out with her."
Half of the reason you don't have a girlfriend is because you complain about not having a girlfriend.
The other half is because you're just stupid and you look pathetic. Do you think your friends, or, heck, the celebrities you follow will look at that and say "oh wow, that person is distressed. Let's cheer 'em up!"
NO. NO THEY DON'T. They laugh (or exhale more than usual) and continue scrolling on.
2. Girls who complain about guys.
Ladies, ladies. I care about your ignorant boyfriend/hookup/ex/etc just as much as I care how big the crap you took this morning was. If I hear "I give up," "I need/miss/love my bf!!!1!!!<3" or anything else that is indirect towards a certain person and has a hint of complain-ery in it, then you should probably delete your account because the amount of people who actually care equal the amount of people who liked the idea of A Christmas Story 2. (We're not counting the makers/actors of the film because obviously they were on something.) And if you read this saying "hey, loving your bf isn't complaining!!!" then shut up, because we want to hear that just as much as we want to hear everything else I mentioned.
And yes, a sequel to A Christmas Story happened. Google it.
Yes, the tall kid is supposed to be Ralphie. If I could emphasize the word 'no' any further, then I'd probably hurt myself or others with my shouting.
[Side note, if you're also reading this thinking "Well aren't you a hypocrite since you're complaining about complaining? You're contradicting yourself" then I think you should be banished from the internet and tied to the grill of Amanda Bynes' car. If you know what's been up with her, you'd understand. If not- well, you'll see.]
Let's just say this mugshot didn't come from her not doing The Amanda Show anymore.
3. Re-tweets.
I re-tweet, but it's ok when I do it, because most of the stuff I re-tweet makes sense. Other people re-post crappy jokes we've all seen twenty thousand times, inside jokes between friends, or some sort of sad attempt at a smart remark that may not be as intelligent or mature as they thought it was.
ALSO. If you are a comedian of some sort and you have a comedy Twitter account, meaning you tweet various jokes because you're just so damn funny, re-tweeting the jokes of other Twitter accounts is STUPID AND... AND DUMB. What a waste of a follow, jackass. That probably means you're not funny and should just shut it down.
4. People who complain about stupid things, otherwise known as "first world problems: Twitter edition."
"Omg my mom didn't get me starbucks today :( nothing to Instagram today. I hate my life."
The previous statement is an embarrassment to society and the writer should be shunned for extreme levels of stupidity. First off, most of these tweets are littered with grammatical and spelling errors, which hurts the brain enough. Secondly, hating your life because of a lack of expensive coffee is overdramatic and extremely brain-numbing due to the previously stated levels of stupididy. Thirdly, Instagram... all I have to say is that it seems to me it's more pointless than Twitter. "It's like Twitter, but with pictures as your statuses!"
How about no.
5. Party Posts.
"g3ttin s0 drUnk tonite! hmu"
So much wrong- just... Just so much. Great, you party. You get drunk and forget the entire night, probably picking up someone who is bound to throw up on you sometime during the night. Also, if you type numbers into your words, like a 3 instead of an E, or if you use q's instead of g's, then you're a waste of air and I hate you. Your keyboard should freeze if it sees you seriously doing this crap. We don't like you. FURTHERMORE. "hmu" never has and never will worked. This is much more effective: "Hit me in the face. With a chair." More people will react to that, I swear. Plus, people who don't believe jobs and schools can't see your accounts because they're "private" are extremely naive and need to get out from under their wifi-receiving rocks.
6. Random posts full of useless information.
"Taking a shit! Then grabbing food then work later! Text meee"
No- not if we know we'd be answering texts from someone who is in the middle of a bowel movement. Also, if you're so "busy," why are you concerned about the texts on your phone? You're going to work, dumbass. In addition, how will you expect to gain followers if your texts consist of your pitifully useless daily routines? Ooh, you're eating breakfast. How enticing.
"Someone should be my friend and text meee"
Exactly.
So if you think this post is pointed at you, it very likely may be. If you feel offended by this post in any way, let me know so I can feel a sense of accomplishment with this blog. Thank you, and have a nice day not being an internet-waster. Unless you are- then screw you.
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