6: Outerwear

Trust me, I'm no fashion guru. I'm not here to tell you what's 'in' and what's not, and I'm not going to tell you what to wear and what not to wear.

I'm simply going to show you what articles of clothing make you look stupid.

These. 

Honestly, I'm not sure what to say here. You're a few small differences away from wearing flippers. They just- I just- I don't even. Some words just cannot be said.

Precisely.

Another article of clothing isn't specific; it's just categorized into one extremely annoying trait of pants.

When they sag. I'm pretty lenient when it comes to pants; I mean, hey, if you need a belt and your pants are falling a little, it's fine. Just pull them up every now and again. But if you look like this:

Then you need to stop shopping at the Big and Tall. 

You'd be surprised how hard it was to find a picture in which the pant-wearer wasn't ONLY wearing pants and underwear. There were shirtless pictures of men everywhere along the Google images page, and we stay classy in this blog.

"... Some roast beef, some chicken, a pizza..."

And then there's footwear like this:

Lolwut.

I forgot that we're all slowly becoming those creepy clowns you hire for children's parties. How silly of me.

"Yo these kicks tho"

I know, I mentioned something like this in my previous entry about 'swag.' But seriously. We went from shoes that light up to shoes with wheels under them to neon signs on your feet. You look stupid and I hate you. Plus, if you have multiple pairs of shoes like this, you need to start figuring out where you're going out with your life. It definitely shouldn't be revolving around your 'hot kicks.'

Fo sho.

As for shirts...

If your shirt is the length of a woman's dress, you might as well be actually wearing a dress.

Furthermore...

Again, I'm bringing up a past blog post when I talk about fitted caps, but this time it's not all about the brim- ok, it kind of is. A cap is meant to shield your eyes from the sun, hence the elongated brim at the front of the cap. Secondly, the top part, the one that is supposed to be head-shaped, is actually supposed to be adjusted to fit your noggin accordingly. As for the extremely creepy-looking man in the photo above, my comment is: Wearing hats- you're doing it wrong. I mean, the thing's not even hugging his head, it's simply resting upon it.

A small gust of wind, and bye-bye overpriced headgear.

Then, the brim isn't even over his eyes, really- mostly over just one of them. So if this grumpy man were to walk outside into the sunlight instead of taking pictures of himself in what's probably his mom's house grimacing at probably his cat, only one of his seeing devices would be properly shielded from the sun's rays.

Exhibit A: Today's generation.

Conclusion: Unless you're being hired to entertain (or scare, for a better word) at an unsuspecting 6-year-old's birthday party, please take it down a notch and take a long look at yourself before going out in public.